Nov 19, 2009

The Fool's Run

I had an appointment with a Pain Management doctor today to find out the results from a left shoulder MRI that was done a few weeks ago. Apparently, I have a torn ligament in my left shoulder!   I’ll be darn. No wonder it hurt so much.

When I first went to see him (Oct. 29th) on my first run, I thought it was the compressed nerve in my neck affecting my nerves in my left arm. He prescribed me some pain meds and a muscle relaxer.


On my second run today I took the prescription muscle relaxer that I got from him at my previous visit and gave them back to him. He looked surprised and I said that I brought them in so he could see that I didn’t take them except one and then a half. So basically I handed him back 88 ½ pills in the little prescription bottle. I told him that the prescription was probably meant for someone a little heavier than me, LIKE AN ELEPHANT! Seriously, I said that.

I took one the first night and when I woke in the night to use the poddy I felt like I had been tranked by a lion tamer or I just broke out of the Sanitarium on a Librium high. It was horrible. It was all so slow-mo that I think I even slammed down on the toilet and bruised my thighs and butt from the seat cover. Thank gawd summer is over and I don’t go to the pool anymore. You never know when you got bruises on your backside.
The next time I decided to get smart and break it in half. I was pretty uncomfortable and figured it would take about a ½ hour to kick in. Wrong. I kept wondering when this thing was going to provide relief. It took about 2 hours. Well hell, if I’d known that I would have stuck to a beer and a shot of tequila! (maybe two shots) Those are the only kind of shots I’m taking.  


I told him he could just throw them out but I think he pocketed them when I left. He did give me a new prescription for another relaxer. I’m experimenting tonight.  

Maybe I’ll put on my pool tire ring for safety or place it on the toilet seat for that nocturnal visit. I hope this one isn’t another return.

So I asked the Doc what do I do or what can I do about this? He said you have three options. 1) you can wait to see if it will heal on its own 2) I can give you a shot of cortisone to relieve the pain and 3) you can have surgery for it.

#2 immediately gave me IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). I could almost feel my intestines locking into a Chinese Finger Pull.

#3 is out of the question on my kind of insurance (county). I don’t even like to drive by county hospitals. The lines inside are so slow they remind me of Dial Up service on my first computer.

Naturally, I’m going with the pain meds, muscle relaxer and time. I’ve got plenty of time to encourage my ligament to heal thyself.

A shot my ass! No, wait….I didn’t mean that. I mean I just don’t want a shot. I’ve got to be so careful nowadays. These peeps don’t have a sense of humor.


Quote of the Day:  I like Florida.  Everything is in the eighties: the temperature, the ages, and the IQs.  George Carlin

Interesting factoid:  In the year 1979 snow fell for 30 minutes in the Sahara.  (I love these odd facts.  Helps me play Jeopardy better.) [see above quote]

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