Feb 26, 2010

Hello

Guess where I've been?  I'm not telling, but I may stay now and keep up with the blog.  Okay, you win, I'll tell.  I've been on a Calamity Holiday.  February is such a short month and just not enough time to enjoy a calamity that I wanted to see if I could squeeze one in.  I recovered and now I'm back to bidness.

I've been thinking of many ways to renew and rejuv my blog, but I probably won't.  Ha!  Glo and I did work on a puzzle when I was cocooning but the darn Cat kept helping so it took longer than necessary.  See what I mean? 

But Glo and I managed to finish it.  What a perfect winter night activity.  I haven't done a puzzel in YEARS.  NiNi was just bugged since we weren't paying her attention. She was thinking of all the petting she was missing out on. Spoiled Brat!
I know its odd to complain of the cold
when living in Florida but it has been Record Breaking Cold here and I'm loving it!  I get to make nice comfort foods like Pot Roast and Soups and Lima Beans with ham hocks.  I have a few more recipes to do so I hope the cold will stay for a while.  But I am losing my tan from November so I do need warmth to renew it all over again.  I can't wait to be able to lounge by the pool.  In the meantime, I'm loving this. 
Here's the finished product.

            
That one was a 300 piece.  Next on the burner is a 500 piece.  Gotta start slow or I'll run into another calamity and be gone for another month. 

Feb 5, 2010

Best Things to Love

I got to thinking about something new to add to this damn blog which is riding my back like a sucker-fish on the back of a whale.  Every day that I DON'T add to the blog I have some nagging crapola going on in my head telling me I'm a quitter and stuff.  I'm not a quitter but sometimes I need to get all the blue marbles together and all the green marbles in another section before I can think of something to blog.

After saying all that, now when I tell you what my new blog category is I bet you'll be out Whaling and let Greenpeace be dammed while you're pulling off sucker-fish.  Maybe that's too aggressive for February...

The Best Things to Like About JANUARY:
  1. I survived the flu
  2. I survived 2009
  3. I survived January
  4. I've got 12 whole months to come up with a survival plan

The Best Things to Like About FEBRUARY:
  1. Its short
  2. I love the Super Bowl commercials
  3. Red is such a pretty color, ie. Valentines Day (I've been in the red for the past few years.  I know Red)
  4. Lots of good appetizer recipes come out for Super Bowl.
There you go. 

I could have added some Bad things to not like about the months but that's just so 2009.  What's not to like about January and February?  I'm digging a hole here.  Gotta go.  Enjoy your month!

Jan 26, 2010

Calamity's Dim Bulb Award

Lately, if I didn't know better I'd have thought I answered these questions.  There are days when one is just not sync'd up with what life is trying to teach us which in turn brings out the sarcasma dwelling inside. (at least for Calamity Jane)

These two answers to actual test questions are examples of the impulsive behavior I feel at inappropriate moments that end up costing me one way or the other.  I could have probably created my own book of such pithy examples.  We've all been there (or is it just me?...)





Jan 18, 2010

Killer Job Offer Reject #1

After months and months of sending out my resume to endless lists of people, companies and places I'd never heard of (or heard from) I got to thinking of a job that I wouldn't submit my resume to no matter the dire calamities I face.  Sometimes the only way to know what you DO want, is to know best what you DON'T want.   So here is an online ad description I thought of while staring at the carpet for hours on end.

Assistant Grim Reaper :   We currently have an opening for a few good "escorts to the afterlife party". Looking for those with a killer personality.  Someone who can do whatever it takes to get the job done, with or without soul.  Black hooded uniform (one size fits all) and scythe provided (guaranteed not made in China so no chance of toxic chemical transfers).  No previous customer service skills needed and having no sense of humor is a plus.  Looking for hardworking individuals who know how to reap what they sow.  Brief social encounters necessary and all leads provided. Benefits include free hot meals in our world famous Hell's Kitchen, medical and dental, 401K and use of the company hearse.

Jan 11, 2010

A Beautiful Day

And I'm not just saying that to compliment myself but I always say if the horseshoe fits...

I downloaded my camera and realized that I forgot to post the beautiful amazing sunrise on New Year's Eve day.  I was so "shock" to see a sunrise that rivaled a sunset.  Pretty cool.





It all happend within the space of 10 minutes.













The colors were so perfect.  It reminded me of
a sunset I saw while going down the Nile River in Egypt.  It filled the whole sky.  Just like this one.

I was thinking that it was a fitting end to a miserable year for everyone.  Hopefully 2010 will be without as many Calamities as 2009.

I think it was appropriate that I took these shots from my bathroom window.  2009 was a bunch of crap!   Awe, did I ruin the moment?  Blame the politicians.  They've jaded me.

Jan 7, 2010

Calamity’s Secret Clubhouse Meeting Notes #548

Thought you might want to see this initial report on the Christmas Day bomber.  Please don't distribute. Its for your eyes only....

Mr. President of the USA
Secret Hideout
Kommon I Wanna Lei Ya, Hawaii

Dear Mr. Prez Sir:

As requested, here is our report on the Christmas Day near blowup by theUnderpants Bomber, aka Mr. UFA.  aka United Flaming Arab-type.  (just an office joke Sir)

On the day in question, the department was holding its annual Christmas Holiday party in the lunchroom . Outside our windows another freekin beautiful snowstorm was coming down while we opened Secret Santa presents. One of the guys got a tricked out model of a plane called Air Force Tiger One complete with wheels that really rolled, a tiny set of golf clubs and a miniature stewardess dressed in a little Santa’s Helper outfit. We had some great comments on that one.

Anyhoot, the War Room (the one next to the lunchroom) had lots of connect-the-dots drawings on the walls from the day before where we were practicing ‘situations’ based on valid information from the goons at the CIA. We got tired of doing that after about 6 hours but we judged Bob McKlowski’s drawing to be pretty darn near a real possibility so we all chipped in some pocket change to make him feel warm and fuzzy during the holidays.

Afterwards, we looked at endless photos of men wearing burkas, towels on their heads, and veils. It was hysterical. We all took turns on the Spin the Tale of the New Donkey. You won. You weren’t here so we got to spin again.

Later that night we got a call from Detroit about this guy with Hot Pants on his way into town. We figured it was some of your Illinois buddies gaffin’ around so we waited until Cheney called us a bunch of twots and said it was real. We nipped his ‘tude in the bud and told him if he was so sure Mr. Hot Pants was a threat that he ought to take the guy hunting with him since he was a hellava shot. He hung up. What a baby.

Well whaddya know?! Asswipe Cheney was right on target. (hee.) There really was a Situation based on our connect-the-dots games. We were floored to say the least. When we found out the guy burned himself trying to ignite, well things got funny. Again. Jack Harmon said the guy couldn’t find a date on Match.com. (couldn’t get fired up! LOL)Then Phil Williams did an impression of UFA lighting his pants on fire. What a dolt. He just has 1st degree burns. It would have been less but none of the guys could bring themselves to put out the flames in his crotch and all the beer was gone.

Bottom line Sir? We blew it. (no pun intended) Hey, we’re human-like. We flubbed up. We promise it won’t happen again. Really. The country is safe, we’re paying attention, dotting the I’s and crossing the t’s. You and the missus and kidlets can sleep safe at night and everyone else. Not one man in this department is dropping the ball anymore.

We’ll make sure that no more terrorist’s get the Terrorist Employee of the Month Award like Mr. UFA did. Oh wait, you didn’t know he got the award from al-Qaida’s kingpin? Yeah, we have a photo of it hanging up on his cave wall back in Yemen. Awe geez, do we have to do another report?

Your Ever Diligent Staff

Jan 4, 2010

How I Love a Well Dressed Man

I was listening to one of my favorite groups, ZZ Top the other day and their song Sharp Dressed Man, and it got me thinking how close to the truth it was.

No one dresses anymore like they used to. I hope the next X0 years bring about better use of fashion than the last X0 years because I’m beginning to miss admiring a well dressed man.

I’m talking French cuffs, starchy shirt collars, pocket scarfs, Italian leather shoes and well fitting suits, subtle cologne, men who aren’t afraid to wear pink shirts or designer ties, even suspenders sometimes. I miss a man who owns a tuxedo for winter and summer which still fits and is used often.

I loved and was loved by a man like this once. He was a tall blond Norwegian who had style and panache most men can’t even imagine and even refuse to anymore. He never owned a pair of thongs (flip-flops), never picked his teeth in public, he let other men fix his car engine, he didn’t watch TV shows or sports unless he participated.

He played golf and taught me how. He took me to Austria to see the ski jump he skied down after college; he proposed to me in Rome over candlelight; he took me on a carriage ride in Central Park, NY one November and he brought Dom Perignon champagne and two glasses. It was cold but we were cuddled under a blanket toasting at twilight while the driver gently nudged his horse through the park. Well dressed men don’t hesitate to be romantic. 


On a trip to Europe we stopped in Garmish-Partenkeirchen to ski the Zugspitz. I lasted 4 times up on the cog railway inside the mountain tunnel steaming hot and 4 times down with frozen hair and limbs before I cried ‘you win’. We found out later that night it was one of the coldest days on record but he still liked winning and I was happy anyway.

He spoke with an accent I can still recall with longing, he had Carribean blue eyes I still see in my dreams and always seemed to be tanned. He was built like a fine snow leopard, muscular, firm, trim and graceful. He looked amazing in anything he wore and had the most beautiful hands I’ve seen on a man.

He made me laugh and when he wasn’t there it made me cry. He made me realize I had a heart with love inside. Every woman in my family loved him, as any woman would for obvious reasons but also because he was not afraid to show everyone how much he loved me.

He let me drive 110 miles an hour from LA to San Diego once without too much complaining. He looked the other way when he got me drunk one winter on Aquavit outside a Swedish restaurant and I spilled my guts in the parking lot. He didn’t laugh when I met him one August in Fort Lauderdale for a visit and he saw that I brought a flannel plaid jacket. He forgave me for flattening all four of his tires one day after he forgot about a date we made. He wasn’t at all interested in my beautiful blond best friend who was Swedish. He thought my Aunt’s were crazy and wonderful and he was right.

He took me to Provo, Utah and taught me to use cross country ski’s, after that we rented a snow-mobile where we zipped through the fields recklessly fast. Too fast to see the upcoming culvert in time to stop before we sailed over it like we were on a flying carpet. When we landed on the other side I promptly fell off. I’d never been more shaken or alive.

I was young and didn’t think to let my past ruin my present. The baggage wasn’t there at the station to limit my ride or overburden me with doubts. I fell wholeheartedly in love and it was triumphant!

We weren’t like blood in the veins we were the CELLS, living, alive and vibrant together.

All because he was a well dressed man.
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