10 Reasons Why You Should Become More Positive

1. You will create a better world around you. How about spraying everyone Blue? Go get some spray paint and get on meds and we’ll talk. Oh yeah, and buy yourself a Happy Meal too. Cheer the hell up.

2. You will make better first impressions. Duh. Even though it may not last it’s nice to see someone who can shower and wear clean clothes! Look at Obama, he made a nice first impression. No one says it could last. There is no greater put off than talking to someone about health care.

3. You will focus on the good things in people. This sounds like some kind of hypnosis mantra. You don’t say “man is that fellow fat! Rather say, he’s a connoisseur of good food” and lots of it, tons of it even. See, this isn’t hard. I can see past ugly, I can see past fat, I can see past stupid.  Your eyes are getting droopy, you are sleepier and sleepier.....

4. It´s easier to become more productive when you stop laying obstacles in the middle of the road in the form of negative thoughts. And here I thought that was roadkill. Now its called a negative thought. Next time I can tell everyone “Look, the buzzards are hovering over some negative thoughts! Let’s roll over them with the car!” That’ll positively make me some friends with PETA.

5. Work becomes more fun. Everything becomes more fun. You’re not serious with this shit are you? Everything becomes more fun?? Root canals, foot injections and migraines are now more fun?  You're wacked.
6. You become more attractive. Tell that to Kirsty Alley. I don’t think she’s more attractive (see #3 above) just because she’s positive she’s fat and unemployable in Hollywood. This is serious stuff. You shouldn’t make fun of fat people. (there’s too many of them now-a-days) .

7. Being negative has very little concrete advantages  Unless you work for the mob in New Jersey. Then concrete comes in real handy and you are perceived as a guy with initiative even though you are being negative per se.

8. It opens up your mind  Oh yeah, that’s what I want. A frontal lobotomy. With all the thorazine I’ll definitely be able to focus on other ways of looking at things. Nothing like in a drug induced fog to change your perspective about driving over roadkill to hear the crunch and wet concrete.

9. It puts the Law of Attraction to better use.  I don’t need more attraction in my life right now. Its bad enough the Law is attracted to my credit woes and the student loans are dropping the Law Suit of Attraction on me. Make me invisible is what I’m looking for! No, I don’t need no stinkin’ magnets. Magnets are those icky things crawling on road kill

10. You´ll waste less time.  Yep. I do waste time. I waste time thinking of reasons why I waste it. Thinking of 10 reasons positively wasted some real time. How about reading 10 reasons? You just wasted some serious time too. Get back to work you sluggard!!